We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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