There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
