Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
