I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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