I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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