I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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