Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
