The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
