If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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