Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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