How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
