There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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