TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
