is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
