I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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