If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
