everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
