I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
