The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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