Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
