I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
