If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize