he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
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she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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