My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
