maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
