Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
