in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
