"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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