your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I fill condoms, not promises.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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