In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
