Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I don't think we should have started that trash fire

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?

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(913): View more from Kansas

My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I didn't notice because vodka

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(859): View more from Kentucky

We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.

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