I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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