i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Let's get the cat blown out
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