and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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