yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
