what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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