I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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