I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Houston, we have a squirter
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
