R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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