a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
