I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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