She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
