Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
