My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
