$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
