Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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