I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
porn star boner night. come get it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
