Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I skipped work to stalk him.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
