Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
