About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
