I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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