Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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