Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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