Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
