Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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