New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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