is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
