fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize