did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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