you didnt know i had herpes?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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