I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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